the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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