sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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