You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
