How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
