I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
