You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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