Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
