He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
