did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
