M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
