Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
