last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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