I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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