he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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