this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
