i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
