Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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