Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Houston, we have a blender
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
