just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
