i don't like sucking hair
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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