when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my phone needs a breathalizer
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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