I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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