i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
