I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
