i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
