i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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