I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
