Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
