Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
