My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
