I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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