I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
