Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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