so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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