East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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