I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
