im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
