And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've blown a few things in my day
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
