Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
