a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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