Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
