i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
foreskin is a definite game changer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
