You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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