Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
