Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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