i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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