my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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