I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
