New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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