she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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