no. you can't hotbox the world.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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