I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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